The Talent Show by Dan Gutman

Author:Dan Gutman
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
Published: 2010-03-24T16:00:00+00:00

Stacy’s mom has got it going on.

Stacy’s mom has got it going on.

Stacy’s mom has got it going on.

Stacy’s mom has got it going on.

The band ran through the song without missing a note. All the kids, who had been fidgeting during the other acts, stopped and stared at The BluffTones. Toes were tapping. Heads were bobbing. By the second verse, some of the kids were up and dancing.

I know it might be wrong, but I’m in love with Stacy’s mom.

Paul hit the last chord and looked up. They had totally nailed it. Kids were clapping and whistling. The BluffTones took a deep bow. Clearly, Elke Villa had some competition on her hands.

The panel of judges—Mayor Rettino, Reverend Mercun, and Principal Anderson—had a brief whispered conversation.

“Excuse me,” Mayor Rettino said. “Will you boys come over here, please?”

Paul, Jim, Victor, and Rob put down their instruments and hopped off the stage confidently. They figured the judges were going to tell them how great they sounded. Reverend Mercun was looking at the lyric sheet to “Stacy’s Mom.”

“Guys,” Principal Anderson said, “you’re terrific, but I’m very sorry to tell you that you can’t sing that song in the talent show.”

“Why not?” Paul asked. “Is somebody else doing it?”

“No … ,” the principal said.

“I find that song to be … suggestive,” said Reverend Mercun.

“Huh?” Jim asked. “Suggestive of what?”

“Are you saying the song is dirty?” asked Paul.

“The singer is in love with his girlfriend’s mother,” explained the Reverend.

“Yeah, so?” asked Rob.

“Well, that’s inappropriate,” Reverend Mercun said.

“Are you kidding me?” Paul said, his voice rising. “It’s just a song. It’s funny.”

“So just because you think it’s dirty … ,” said Rob.

Victor shot them a look to get them to shut up. You don’t talk back to grown-ups. Especially when one of them is a reverend.

“We could play ‘Satisfaction,’” Jim said.

“The song by The Rolling Stones?” asked Reverend Mercun. “That’s suggestive too.”

“What’s suggestive about it?” Paul asked. “That’s ridiculous!

“How about ‘Wild Thing’?” asked Rob.

“That song is also quite suggestive,” said Reverend Mercun. “There must be something else you boys can play that wouldn’t offend anyone.”

“‘Stacy’s Mom’ won’t offend anyone!” Paul said. “It was a big hit. It was on the radio. It was in a Dr Pepper commercial!”

“Why don’t you fellows play ‘Wipeout’?” suggested Mayor Rettino. “I heard you played that at a birthday party recently. The kids loved it. And it doesn’t have any offensive lyrics.”

“It doesn’t have any lyrics at all!” Paul pointed out.

“We’re not playing ‘Wipeout,’” Victor said firmly. “Anybody can play ‘Wipeout.’”

“I’m terribly sorry,” Reverend Mercun told the boys, “but the talent show has to maintain certain standards of decency. There will be lots of parents and grandparents in the audience. I’m sure you understand.”

“I don’t understand!” Rob said.

“Come on, guys,” said Victor. “Let’s get out of here. We don’t need this.”

“Hang on,” Paul said. “Can we have a minute? Band meeting.”

The BluffTones went off to the side of the stage and huddled up like a football team.

“This is bull, man,” said Victor.

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